The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Grief…and How to Embrace It

“What we run from pursues us, and what we face transforms us.” David Kessler

Grief is one of those emotions many of us instinctively shy away from. We rush through it or try to bypass it altogether. Why? First and foremost, the pain. And because death and dying have been tucked away, hidden from view in our modern world.

Think about it: When was the last time you saw a hearse driving through town? Decades ago, it was common for me to witness the slow procession of a hearse, a visible reminder of life’s impermanence. As a kid we’d be out for family outings and I would see them.  Today, the deceased are often transported in unmarked white vans, out of sight and out of mind.

This cultural shift to hide death has created a profound disconnection in us all. By removing IT from our daily lives, we’ve hidden away one of the most inevitable aspects of existence. Death is certain for all of us—100% guaranteed. Yet, we will avoid thinking about it at all costs, because it hurts more than we want to admit or feel.

When death finally crosses our path, it strikes us, deeply and painfully. We’d rather turn away, pretending it’s not as devastating as it feels. We force smiles, and say, “I’ll be fine,” or try to comfort ourselves with platitudes like, “They’re in a better place.” or “They had good a long life.” (These comments, by the way, do not work the way we think they do. We recommend not saying these things.)

But here’s the truth: grief doesn’t go away when ignored. It becomes the lump under the rug, the unacknowledged weight we carry. We fear that if we stop running from it, grief will swallow us whole, leaving us broken and irreparable.

The Transformative Power of Facing Grief

Here’s another surprising truth: when we allow ourselves to feel grief fully, it transforms us.

Yes, it seems counterintuitive to invite and welcome the tears, the anger, and the heartache. But doing so doesn’t destroy us—over time, it actually liberates us.

When we face our grief, we honour our depth of love for the person that died. Our relationship with them evolves into something new and enduring, even though they are no longer physically present.

By confronting our sorrow, we open ourselves to healing. The burden of grief lightens, not because the pain disappears, but because we no longer resist it. Acceptance brings relief—an experience of calm and connection that cannot be reached by avoidance.

How to Begin Facing Grief

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
   Start by letting go of the belief that grief is something to fix or get over. Instead, see it as a natural and necessary part of love and loss.
2. Create Space for Your Emotions
   Dedicate time to sit with your feelings. Whether it’s through journaling, crying, or simply reflecting in silence, allow whatever arises to flow without judgment.
3. Seek Connection
   Share your grief with trusted friends, family, a grief coach or a grief support group. Speaking about your experience helps you process emotions and feel less alone.
4. Honour Your Loved One
   Find meaningful ways to remember, and eventually celebrate, the person you’ve lost. This could be through a ritual, a keepsake, or revisiting cherished memories with friends or family.
5. Be Gentle With Yourself
   Grief is not linear. Some days will feel easier, and others may be unexpectedly hard. Be patient as you navigate the waves of loss.

The Gift of Embracing Grief

Grieving is not about forgetting or moving on. It’s about learning to carry love and loss side by side. When we face our grief, we transform our pain into growth, and rediscover the resilience of the human spirit.

So, take a deep breath, and let yourself feel. You might just find that the very act of facing your grief brings you closer to peace and a renewed connection with the ones you love.